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The holiday season, with its cheerful lights, festive music, and holiday sales, seems to arrive earlier every year. While it can bring feelings of warmth and excitement, it can also carry unspoken social expectations, most notably, the pressure to feel joyful.
For expats, this time of year can be especially complex, evoking different emotions like nostalgia, tension, or a sense of loss. It might highlight personal challenges and stir deep questions about identity and belonging. Living away from familiar traditions or loved ones can make the holidays feel bittersweet. At the same time, it can be an opportunity to reconnect with what’s important to us, foster connections with others, and create new rituals.
1. The challenge of holiday social norms
The holiday season celebrates the idea of 'being happy', and often emphasizes family, love, and togetherness. Social media often features perfect family photos, with everyone dressed in matching sweaters. For those who are single, far from loved ones, living outside conventional norms, or already struggling, this can make existing challenges feel more pronounced and highlight feelings of alienation.
This unspoken expectation to fit into a certain “box” might make it harder for some to talk freely about what they are truly going through. Yet, behind these staged photos often lie untold struggles, and the reality is far more complex than what is shown. It’s easy to feel out of place in a season that seems to revolve around joy and connection, especially when these don’t reflect your current reality.
2. Spending the holidays abroad- coping with loneliness and homesickness
Being far from home during the holidays can be difficult. Unfamiliar traditions, the absence of close family, and a lack of comforting routines can be hard. Even if this is what you chose, moments of joy may feel tinged with longing for what is missing.
3. Returning to your country of origin: identity and belonging
Returning “home” can be both exciting and challenging. It’s a bit like a meeting of "two selves"—who you were and who you’ve become—which can create internal tension and raise questions about belonging and identity. Revisiting familiar places may bring up unresolved memories, highlighting grief or longing for what once was.
Reuniting with friends and family can sometimes carry unspoken pressures, like needing to “prove” something about your life abroad. Questions like “How’s it going there?” can feel loaded, and putting words into the experiences of living abroad is not always easy, especially for someone who has not experienced that.
4. The stress of year-end “resolutions”
The New Year often acts as a symbolic checkpoint for reflecting on achievements and goals. While this can be meaningful, it may also highlight unresolved feelings or perceived shortcomings. The pressure to meet societal or personal expectations before the year ends can feel overwhelming, leading to a focus on what’s missing rather than what’s present.
5. Emotional and social intensity- navigating overwhelming interactions
The holidays frequently involve reconnecting with people or meeting new ones, which can feel too much sometimes. For highly sensitive people (HSPs), the noise, crowds, and social intensity can feel overstimulating.
Additionally, the transition from a busy routine to holiday downtime can be disorienting. Slowing down may surface emotions that had been suppressed during the pace of daily life, creating a heightened sense of vulnerability.
1. Embrace the complexity of the holiday season
The holidays are neither purely joyful nor entirely challenging—they can be both. By allowing ourselves to hold this duality, we can find greater self-acceptance and compassion. Part of this acceptance includes acknowledging struggles as valid and vocalizing them first to ourselves and then, if it feels right, to others. Release the pressure of having to be “one thing” and accept that there are different parts to this experience. You can be happy to share the holiday with the family or community you built abroad, but also feel sad for missing out on certain things.
2. Define your own traditions
If familiar traditions feel out of reach, consider recreating them in your current home or creating new ones. Whether it’s baking holiday treats, decorating your space, or sharing time with fellow expats, these small acts can bring comfort and develop a sense of belonging. If you’re returning to your country of origin, consider bringing something from abroad. This can help create a sense of integration of the “two homes” and feel more grounding.
3. Managing Changes in Schedule and Rhythm
For some, using a weekly planner to create a light structure for holiday days might help provide a sense of orientation and grounding. During busier moments, being attentive to your needs can be beneficial. For example, taking a small break during a long holiday dinner might help you feel more regulated and able to rejoin the group. Alternatively, if quieter moments are unfamiliar, maybe consider viewing them as opportunities for self-care, restoration, or introspection.
4. Connection and support as an expat
Living abroad reshapes our understanding of relationships and community. Use this season to define what connection means to you. Reach out to a trusted friend, join a local event, or connect with other expats. These small, intentional acts may require courage but can help ease feelings of loneliness and foster a sense of belonging.
5. Redefine the new year resolutions- meaningful self-reflection
The new year holds meaning only if you give it meaning. Try freeing yourself from the pressure of resolutions or dramatic changes. Instead, explore gentle self-reflection by asking questions such as:
What supported me this year?
What changed for me this year?
What is important to me, and how much time did I invest in it?
What do I want to make more time for during the coming year?
Approach these questions with curiosity rather than judgment.
The holiday season can feel intense and full of emotions. Try to recognize and separate yourself from unnecessary expectations, and follow what truly fits your needs to make this holiday season meaningful for you. It´s important to remember that many people face difficulties during this time of year, even if it doesn’t always seem that way. Recognizing this can open the door to more honest conversations, self compassion and compassionate connections.